She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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