I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
