I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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