i don't like sucking hair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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