you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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