fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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