where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
