I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
