He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
