you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
