I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
