I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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