I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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