Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
