it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
