it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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