You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
