I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
