Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
