I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
