stop calling my apartment porn island.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
