Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
