I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
