i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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