my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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