just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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