a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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