Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
