This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
