Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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