I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
