i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
