you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
