I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
