How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Congratulations! We have a period
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
