Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
