We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
