I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
