Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
