Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
