You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
