hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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