How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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