i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
