I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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