One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
