yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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