I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
