i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
