3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We are two peas in an std pod
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
