lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
