I can tuck mytits in my pants
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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