There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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