At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
