Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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