It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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