is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
